Strangely Tim!

You Can Always Count On Angry Weather

Sometimes, nature plays pranks on people

http://blogs.citypages.com/gop/bad%20weather.jpg

Like making you really late to work in the morning

This mountain likes to pour acid rain.  It’s like mother nature blew a lot of coke and sneezed and your skin is like the inside of her nose

http://home.att.net/%7Estanley.bender/photos/Bad_weather_on_the_Grand_Teton.jpg

At least angry weather is able to separate us from the those annoying emo kids (you know the ones that play really crappy guitar and whine a lot while wearing 

http://nymag.com/images/2/daily/entertainment/08/03/27_fallouticeberg_lg.jpg

However, not just emo kids are affected.  Deep sea crab fishermen that smoke meth to stay up for days on end (the things “The Deadliest Catch” doesn’t want you to know) get screwed by nature as well.  

http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200706/r149564_530905.jpg

Angry weather can lead to a whole new spin on driving to work

http://www.bbc.co.uk/bristol/content/images/2008/01/11/bristol_weather_1_400x300.jpg

Or floating may I say
Fat people get stuck in bad weather too.  I think that the weather gets angrier when the fat lady singshttp://www.galerieattienette.com/Artists/Velasco/Bad%20Weather.jpg
Angry weather aside, if I ever saw a giant face blowing snow through a city street, I’d start running.  http://www.homespagoddess.com/Old-Man-Winter-Blowing-Bad-Weather-into-a-City-Giclee-Print-C12350876.jpeg
The weather is very predictable (as angry as it may be)http://www.zenword.info/wp-content/storm_over_the_atlantic.jpg
Does anybody see a resemblance between the above hurricane and the below mathematical graph (otherwise known as a fractal)?http://www.cootey.com/fractals/parade/pix/Atomic.Fractal.Ultra-X.jpg
Apparently, Florida oranges are the only ones who know when hurricanes are cominghttp://farm3.static.flickr.com/2051/2338396831_009d9f7a30.jpg
If only Florida oranges could talk.  They might be able to get the word out soonerhttp://abyc.org.za/media/yacht_car.jpg
The weather cannot be explained in many ways.  People + weather = strange, strange happeningshttp://www.beegs.com/images/explainable.jpg
Basically, the weather falls under the “Don’t Ask Questions” categoryhttp://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c172/unicronfuckyou/loljapan.jpg

Time Is NOT On Your Side!

Unless you’re this guy:

http://www.bmeink.com/A60211/high/bmepb215874.jpg

For the rest of us, time is like this: it just seems to melt in our hands

http://img1.photographersdirect.com/img/19120/wm/pd2091168.jpg

Sometimes time doesn’t even melt…people melt instead (for good reason)

http://imagecache.allposters.com/images/pic/ADVGN/570N%7EWicked-Witch-Melting-Wizard-of-Oz-Posters.jpg

However, some things are not affected by time

http://www.babble.com/content/articles/columns/the-babble-list/26-Most-Disturbing-Kids-Movies-Ever-Family-films-that-will-scar-your-children-for-life/images/wizardofoz.jpg

Like Flying Devil Monkeys: they are impervious to time (like dragons being impervious to magic)

But there are enough flying devil monkeys.  We DO NOT need more!

http://artaban7.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/flyingmonkeys1.png?w=650&h=520

Time can also slow down with drugs: like walking through an opium field on the way to a palace

http://tnjn.com/content/storyimage/2007/09/25/wizard_of_oz.512.jpg

The problem with opium: when time speeds back up, you’re still on opium

http://wearemoviegeeks.com/wp-content/wizardoz.jpg

Affects of opium: Even the tin man looks like he’s got some tin elsewhere on him by the way he’s looking down Dorothy’s dress (maybe Dorothy could give him a good lube to help him out with that)

Sometimes, people look like they’re stuck in time

http://strawberryfieldsforever.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/munchkins2.jpg

Side note: I still can’t believe that frickin’ dog made more money than any munchkin! Just because Todo isn’t stuck in time doesn’t mean he should get paid more!  That’s time-discrimination!

It is also common for people to wish that time would speed up

http://www.cwru.edu/affil/ansmet/tuckerweb/roar.JPG

Or trying to go back in time

http://www.endlesssimmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/good-halloween-costume-idea-01.jpg

Like college as seen above

Or that time you were on a lot of  ecstasy and thought it’d be hillarious to dress your future child up like an MDMA moleclue

http://www.coolest-homemade-costumes.com/images/coolest-homemade-costumes-jack-as-a-jack-32387.jpg 

Or that time you were so drunk and high in high school (now I know why they call it that!) that you gave Mr. Potato head fangs and goofy eyebrows

http://www.bloggersbase.com/images/uploaded/original/685fb1c63831ebdc853543d4f7f286d164f58085.jpeg

Or WAY WAY WAY back to the time you refused to leave the library after you read “Where The Wild Things Are” because you thought the monsters would get you outside http://www.tranism.com/weblog/images/winning_costume_wtwta.jpg
But then again, if time is not on your side, why waste it?http://www.j-isle.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/boredsysadmin.jpg
Maybe the guy who made this wasn’t wasting time at all.  Maybe he’s making a Stargate to give himself more time!

Everything Is Better In Moderation

Let’s start with children:

http://feministphilosophers.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/249270409_664e6841fa.jpg

Too many children is like too many piercings - you increase your likelihood of getting electrocuted greatly

http://drabruzzi.com/images/most_pierced_woman.jpg 

Just like having too much metal in your face, you can also have way too much plastic on it to (or variations of plastic)

http://justsickshit.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/wildenstein-plastic-surgery.jpg

EVIDENCE THAT KLINGONS EXIST!

Also, Kilingon porn is too much!  Ron Jeremy as a Klingon is just pushing it too far!

 

http://www.wfaa.com/sharedcontent/dws/img/v3/08-19-2007.n1a_19Klingons.GCD279HKJ.1.jpg

There is no moderation for Carrot Top!  He simply should not exist!

http://www.rock107.ca/morningshow/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/carrot-top-after.jpg

Nor should men that look this gawdy:

http://collegecandy.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/hairy.jpg

I honestly can’t even begin to describe how many “moderation norms” this man has violated single handedly in this picture

http://z.hubpages.com/u/270174_f260.jpg

MY EYES!  MY EYES!  THE HOFF IS BURNING THROUGH MY CORNEAS!

However, one must differentiate between moderation and outrageous awesomeness:

http://www.funnystuffblog.com/joker/robot-man.jpg

The above is awesome

Below…is not

http://www.moongirls.com/blog/motivation_files/tool.jpg

It’s like my pet hedgehog made an inspirational speech to these guys.  (you should probably not take your fashion hints from small animals anyways)

Rock That Fu!

It seems as though the Fu Manchu is back.  Once only confined to the likes of Harley riders and Hulk Hogan, the Fu is making a comeback faster than trashy 80’s flourescent colored clothes.  

http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/Reuters_Photo/2007/08/07/1186515775_7535.jpg

No longer just for the professional Faux Wrestler!

Athletes are now rocking the Fu

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZG9BHcaP-SI/SJxGiJYK23I/AAAAAAAAA6U/GUJMa51pS78/s320/Michael-Phelps-Mustache.jpg

Even that weird kid you knew in high school has discovered he can look even weirder

http://alec.3rdc.com/Photo%20193.jpg

The Fu also works well as a body hair accessory!

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_JmpkIMgnzIE/SVPoSSGyPGI/AAAAAAAAWqU/Qj3BLQmbAWI/s400/1.jpg

People with Fu Manchus have been know to ride dragons  - THAT’S HOW BADASS THE FU IS!

http://static2.filefront.com/images/aszppyqnmd.jpg

If that warrior took his helmet off, you would see a destructively amazing Fu Manchu!

Personally, I’d rather ride a happy looking dragon

http://www.larabida.org/assets/kids_corner/coloring_pages/dragon.gif

As soon as you grow a Fu, you can also breath in space

http://psc.disney.go.com/eventservices/artofdisneyparks/media/product_event_full_wdcc_spacesuit_figment.jpg

The only one needing a space suit will be your dragon (The only thing dragons are impervious to is magic - space makes them car sick)

The Fu is also a superior form of facial hair other types of facial hair

http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/tom-selleck-magnum-pi-c10102602.jpg

If Tom Selleck was in a facial hair battle, he would LOOSE TO THE FU!

http://www.virginmedia.com/images/mingmercy-431x300.jpg

This Fu knows Kung Fu!

People without Fu’s ride giant cocks instead of drangons!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_RRIGqzPDF00/RmiAaDJ8YjI/AAAAAAAAA28/z8-TleZJQe0/s400/giant%2Bchicken%2Bcock.jpg

SO GROW A FU! But beware - the Fu is powerful enough to eat your face!

http://ogfhc.com/images/GfgSGmToMu15.jpg

Water Is The Giver Of Life...If It Doesn't Kill You First

This is the MINORITY of water.  MOST water is NOT this happy

http://www.bamacyclist.com/Journal2008/Northjournal08/day39n.jpg

Some water can be cleverly disguised as good, but is actually bad:

http://www.freestuffdirect.com/images/holy%20water.jpg

You can’t trust water blessed by a guy that looks this creepy

http://aftermathnews.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/evil-pope.jpg

Yep, that’s the pope.  He looks pretty close to Satan if you ask me.  

He could be sick too.  You wouldn’t want a sick dude blessing your water (at least I wouldn’t)

http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2005/02/02/pope_dove_wideweb__430x410.jpg

That’s a priceless Pope face.  Priceless enough to NOT TRUST MY WATER WITH!

Water can be fun though: 

http://www.softpedia.com/screenshots/Crazy-Water-Skiing_1.jpg

There are limits to how much fun you can have though:

http://www.bom.gov.au/climate/environ/design/images/flood.jpg

A lot time the water might be happy, but the things in them aren’t

http://skylerssite.sampa.com/skyler-s-site/album/hippoSPL0706_468x297.jpg

His ass is grass!  That hippo is definitely gaining on him.  

http://lh4.ggpht.com/_ExDMXx5bPas/RrTNGEovqiI/AAAAAAAAAw8/OIlDxT-knaw/IMG_2710.JPG

I’m guessing he’s yawning (there are other hippos sleeping behind him) - Unfortunately for those close to this hippo, a hippo yawn and angry roar looks the same.  

LET’S GO SWIMMING!

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2006/01/11/international/12chin583.jpg

Or Not

http://www.waterfilterreview.com/images/toxic_water/Alligator2.jpg

The Other Other White Meat

Mmmmmm…Penguin

http://simonc.f2o.org/south/images/penguins_wallpaper.jpg

Look at all those penguins to eat!  WOW! 

In a press release from The Goliath Corp about penguin meat production:

“The thing is,” said Mr White, Goliath’s head nutritionist, “is that by eating only one penguin a week you can make up your entire recommended weekly intake of penguin, which we have decided is … one penguin.”

http://www.goliathcorp.com/penguin.html

But we can only eat emperor penguins.  SCRUFFY PENGUINS ARE OFF LIMITS!

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2363/1650589070_d740fe2876.jpg

You just can’t kill something this demoniacally cute.  It’s just against the rules.  

Just like you can’t kill baby seals (or at least that’s what everyone says)

http://malkovsky.org/PhotoAlbums/AroundHome/BabySeal.jpg

Accept, you can:

http://www.blog.owaysweet.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/babyseal.jpg

If they give you the puppy/sad eyes - I have no tolerance for people giving me these eyes and I refuse to differentiate for animals (Kiss my ass PETA!)

http://www.valdosta.edu/%7Ekaletour/seal.jpeg

GET YOUR CLUB ON!

That Funky Kinda Taste

If you add this: 

http://www.worldproutassembly.org/moo.jpg

with this:

http://www.virtualcourtney.com/images/lj/moo06.jpg

I’m assuming you get something that looks like this: 

http://www.moo-moos.com/addimage/MOO_MOO_1_web.jpg

And what a tasty Caw (Cat-Cow) Sandwich it is!

This is a yak:

http://news.filefront.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/yak.gif

and apparently it has a posterior

But it’s far too cute to eat:

http://blog.pennlive.com/lehighvalley/2007/11/yak.jpg

Just like llamas (because they wear funny hats in major metropolitan areas of South America)

http://www.indcjournal.com/archives/llama.jpg

But don’t overestimate the cuteness of the llama!  They can be just as ugly as everything else

http://fotoblog.refocus.de/images/20080531200224_lama.jpg

It’s OK to eat ugly things.  (I swear to God I saw this thing in Jim Henson’s Labrynth.  I believe it lived in a brick wall and had quite the funny cockney accent.)

"Hang Loose...Stay Loose" - People Under The Stairs

I went to an underground hip-hop concert last night and noticed that MAYBE only 40% of the people at that show were dancing!  A lot of people didn’t even look intersted in what they were watching/listening! 

Unless you’re being constricted by a snake, you have NO EXCUSE not to dance at a concert that is BUILT for dancing! 

http://www.thegreenhead.com/imgs/inflatable-snake-costume-1.jpg

Elsewise, you should look like you’re having this much fun (all the time!): 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_x6qe-lqDfNg/Rpq_GwEMaxI/AAAAAAAAAGc/9WPqsEvHgbM/s400/Dancing%2BBoy1.jpg 

and like this when you’re at a show: 

http://nieuwslog.telecommerce.nl/uploadedImages/Telecommerce/Nieuwslog/Telecommerce_-_Nieuwslog/dance.jpg 

(remember, if you feel you can’t do what’s above at a sold out/packed show, you’re just not trying hard enough) - use your elbows, it’ll make your objective loud and clear 

Or at the least like this: 

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/08/images/070814-dancing-robot_big.jpg 

While relaxed, at least she rocks some smooth style! 

Elsewise, the DANCE MONSTER will come and GET YOU! 

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/038_38a.jpg

This is the Encouraging Monster - he’ll hug you if you dance and squeeze you to death if you don’t!

Watch out for his cousin!  He has a zero tolerance policy for not dancing

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_6jbVhBu4c6s/Ro5kfRj2axI/AAAAAAAAAPI/Y-GcvFQIbuU/s400/monsters_red.jpg

Ode To The Mustache

Sometimes, rocking the mustache can dramatically increase ones badassness!

http://hotbeans.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/mustache-_0003_weird-al-yankovic.jpg

Sometimes, mustaches can be mistaken for animals:

http://s3.amazonaws.com/listverse/evilwomen/moustache.jpg

Like a swordfish

http://miasmaticreview.mu.nu/mt-static/images/Mustache.JPG

or an octopus/big horn sheep

http://toiletbrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/mustache.jpg

Or a Muppet like the guy above:

http://www.geocities.com/mustache4peace/stache2.jpg

Strangeness is a relative term

I would feel incredibly uncomfortable yet strangely empowered sitting in this chair

Some animals can be strange as well.  Ugliness is in the eyes of the Beholder:

I believe the wombat is the cuttest animal alive.  Many people disagree with me though.  

The same goes for baby ostrich’s, except I feel their ugly and some people in particular think they’re awesome

It’s like a hairless cat, meets a walrus, meets a mole: The Naked Mole Rat is in da house!

I’ll finish off with this picture.  At first this may not make sense, but consider this: Maybe there was a Star Wars convention near the beach in LA, but the water was contaminated at the convention center from a sewage line break beneath the convention.  So someone from the kitchen gave everyone a Brita filter and told them to find some water.  Well, the nearest water is the ocean and apparently Darth and the rest of the crew was a little tipsy from all the Eewok Martinis and thought a Brita would work on salt water.  The problem with this picture, is that it doesn’t show the eewoks and Luke Skywalkers surrounding him in the sea.